Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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