The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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