I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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