My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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