I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
