Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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