Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
