in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
