I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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