I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
