Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
