Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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