He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize