this boner is exhausting
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
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Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
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THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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