your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
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Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
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True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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