god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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