My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
