do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
