I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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