No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
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I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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