a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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