Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
