tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
