There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
