that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
