she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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