Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
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