Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
