i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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