Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
