so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
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You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize