How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
