I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
