I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
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It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
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Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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