Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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