So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
