The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
