So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
