KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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