they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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