we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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