he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
