so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
