My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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