rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
