I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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