i wish there were pregnant emoticons
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
