Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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