No stitches, just platelets and will power
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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