just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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