the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
