did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
