You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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