Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
