i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
