Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
