Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
How naked do you want me to be?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
