HIV tests are more positive than that guy
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
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Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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