I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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