I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
