life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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