he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
false alarm. still invincible.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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