you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
