3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
