I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
