Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
